Corporate life-no life

Greed and fear is ruling there. What is the ultimate goal, why are were really working for? Nobody things about these anymore. Endless discussions to define the future, serve only for the weak and laud.

I tried to stick longer. Tried more. But the end may be closer.

Didn't know what I was getting when I was young and still dreaming.
I didn't know it would get this tough as I get higher.

I didn't know myself, the realm that will take much longer to discover.
I didn't know it would bring its choices.

I have always thought the answers tough, too tough to find.
I was wrong. The answer is always and always the easiest.




A bright morning in the middle of the mountainous hot spring town of Shirahone in Nagano Prefecture. Clean snow air. I open the window the get rid of Tokyo smog in me. There is a rain of melting snow. Then the sun shines from the opposite side over the snowy slope.




It was a summer afternoon Istanbul. In a not so crowded movie theater I watched Akira Kurosawa's Dreams. The movie was a compilation of 8 short films, arranged as a series of his dreams or fantasies, starting with his childhood ones.

In those days I didn't know much about the Japanese culture, folklore and myths. It was nothing like I watched before. Stunned by the beauty of the scenes, as well as the way each story talked about the changes in modern society, environment, wars and our destiny, I didn't realize how those 2 hours had passed.

The last of the 8 films was titled "Village of the Watermills." In that scene, there was a paradise-like village where death was celebrated and modernism was rejected. For a long time I thought that the scene was a shot in studios, and no such place could ever exist. To my surprise and great delight I was told by one of my friends that the place actually existed in Japan. It was a part of Daio Wasabi Farm in Nagano prefecture. Then last November we had a chance to go there.

It was a really strange feeling, the way I felt. It was as if I was still in the movie theater years ago, but transfered to the movie to live in it, defying time and space. Or it was some kind of rendezvous with the future, and there I was, keeping the promise.

I kept gazing at the slowly flowing water, not knowing whether I was still watching the movie or witnessing my destiny.


Beauty you find

One day mom gave me a CD titled in Turkish "Singers of the World Sings Livaneli Songs." I listened it once or twice. Then I forgot about it.

A few months ago, I remembered it, and listened again. I found out about Jocelyn B. Smith, who sings a few Livaneli songs beautifully in the album. One of them is titled "Today":
Today, like every other day, we wake up empty and frightened.
Don't open the door to the study and begin reading.
Take down a musical instrument.
Let the beauty we love be what we do.
There are hundreds of ways to kneel and kiss the ground.

Rumi, Translated by John Moyne and Coleman Barks, I found in A Buddist Library

I couldn't find a video on YouTube or why the lyrics were of Rumi. But I keep thinking about it every morning when I wake up, when I shave before I leave for work.


Sudden rain

Just a slight breeze.
One drop hits a leaf.
Then another.
I turn off the radio, open the window.
It pours.
A soothing smell fills me.
I close my eyes
To watch.


I live everyday as if it is new. Don't remember who I am, what I have become, what I accumulated over years...as none exists. There is only today, which has no place for the things from yesterday. The friend I meet has changed, I have a new face today, the sky is more blue, the wind is lighter.
Today is a new day.

How lovely to halt and rest – and then to go on your way,
Not frozen nor muddled, to stay fresh by flowing away.
Yesterday is past and gone – so are your words of yesterday:
How lovely to find for each new day something fresh to say.